the life and times of a blue boy…

No, they don’t utter such blatant nonsense.

But don’t blame me — if there’s someone to point a finger at, it should be EC. Apparently, he overheard someone say it. Then again, knowing him, it could have very well been said by him; he’s just trying to deflect some of the absurdity away from him.

I’m feeling particularly cheery. About twenty-four hours ago, I wasn’t like this. I was absolutely depressed over the math midterms. Okay, so not that bad. I didn’t like to think about it — a thought I’m sure many would argee with.

I think it ended quite well. The first part of the chem contest didn’t go as wel as I thought; too little people. But then, they did say they had midterms to take, so I guess it was okay. The Monday event should be jampacked. …I hope.

Later on,  we talked a bit with Merit-ness, Kit, EC. We bullied Kai. Or at least they did. I was trying to defend her, or at least that’s what I thought.

I’ve still got three requirements to contend with — hopefully I will do well, or even at least decent at all of them.

 Throbbing pain searches for an outlet of release; finding none it sears below and buries itself, leaving a path of death, that grim stench which overpowers everything else.

Hmm? Just my headache. That math test left little to think with; I’m trying to use whatever auxiliary mechanisms my head has put up with. It will have to improvise. Sadly, another failure which will be painful to accept.

That’s really sad. I thought I would do better in this one. So much for a misguided sense of optimism.  But no, hell week’s not through yet. A few more academic requirements decided to make their debut, leaving the end student a mindless zombie.

But I think that’s really the point.

Down: [math lt]

To go: [math midterms] [english intro/histo] [ fil reflection paper ] [english first draft] [ chem lt ]

I thought this Friday would be a wonderful time to celebrate. I imagined the jubilation, the carefree devil-may-care attitude that would follow.

It was not meant to be. The things to do list extended its stay… and hopefully ends Tuesday next week. But as we’ve learned in life (and if you haven’t learned by now), that work is a never-ending process. Even if you decide to suddenly stop and do nothing, your nothingness will be short-lived. The feeling is only too fleeting, soon it will be replaced by discontentment, boredom, and psychological atrophy.

It seems paradoxical most of the time. When I’m working and in the middle of a horrible week, all I want is for it to end. When I’m not working and am trying to induce the state of perfect tranquility (sleep comes close, I think), I am restless and feel the need to do something.

Or that’s just me.  Do we really want what we wish for? Or is it just the prospect of the immediate release, the end, that thrills us?

But before I’ll find out, I need to survive and manage these next two weeks. It should be fun, in a strange, mangled way.

Hell week midterms

A cluster of LTs, exams, papers, and various requirements conveniently placed near each other as to maximize the extent of intellectual and emotional damage that is to be inflicted on the end student.

This will only be the second post that talks of nearly the same thing.

My colds have been giving me a problem. I hope it goes away soon. And this slight fever. But if it doesn’t, it should be my good companion as I enter the next week of hell. I think it would like to linger around, given the choice, but I’d prefer otherwise. Taxes me too much physically.

What has been accomplished, thankfully: [chem lt] [fil paper] [lit midterms]. Two or three more requirements should be rearing their ugly head soon, but this break is providing me the necessary breather. I’m thankful that I did get one. Pretty soon though it’s back to battle.

I’ve found myself wasting away recently, opting to keep the boob-tube on rather than attending to more useful activities. After the Filipino paper siphoned off all the grey matter yesterday, I was completely exhausted. I told myself, “You’re going straight home. You’re going to get changed, eat dinner, and squeeze a little studying for the Fil exam. And then you’re going to sleep early, you have a 7.30am class the following day.”

And to see what happened…

1.) Straight home – Carried out without any problem.

2.) Get changed, eat dinner – No problem.

3.) Squeeze in a little Filipino – Did not happen.

4.) Sleep early – Slight misinterpretation. 9pm soon became 10:30pm

And what kept me up? MadTV, American Dad, and then The Simpsons. But no.. Then came Star Wars Episode IV. And I am such a nerd for it (my personal favorite would have to be aotc, or esb). So I stayed up a bit, being slightly entertained, and trying to figure out if the prequels did match the original saga. After ..

*spoiler warning* (only if you’ve never watched Star Wars, which I think is unlikely)
…Obi’s death, I knew it was getting late. Sleep time. And so there ends my Star Wars mini side-post.

I will survive hell week. I just need to get at it, one at a time; chew on it in small, manageable pieces.

Strangely, I am feeling depressed. And this was yesterday, when I had no idea of certain things that I now know today.

I reasoned it was the lack of sleep (having slept only five hours the morning before, then waking up at 6am to catch a flight), but after taking a sufficiently long nap, I found that I was still… partly sad.

Being yanked out of the holiday mood so quickly must have been of the reasons. Fresh from the New Year, my mind has not readjusted to the daily grind of things. It’s a bad way to start a New Year.

Today, I remembered all the things I left behind, all the things I procrastinated, photo-finished, or otherwise abandoned. Our Fil12 teacher gave us quite a talk — although I don’t quite remember why she gave that talk or even how she drifted from one topic to another. In the end, she finally gave us back our play reviews. I took a quick look at it just to confirm my suspicion: I’m still a D-odo at this.  She blamed something about the lack of cohesion in my paragraphs. Discouraging, definitely yes.

Then comes Math. An F-ing (no, there is nothing substituted) effort apparently. I had hoped slightly better — I didn’t think I’d blow it that badly. Then without even a hint of pity, our teacher goes on to continue where we left off.

But that’s okay. That’s her job. I’m just feeling numb, sad, and inflicting doses of self-pity on myself.

I just remember — there’s still that Chem LT to reckon with, which I sadly wasn’t so good at. I think it’s just the contrast that bothers me: a happy-go-lucky, cheery mood during the holidays then the not-so-picturesque reality that comes back to meet you. If that was a person, it would just laugh at me. Thankfully, that hasn’t come true yet.

But the holidays were fun. It was a string of outings with my high school classmates, some just a senseless excuse just to go out.  I think I’ll get better.

I think I just need a chocolate. A rush of endorphins to make it a little more bearable in these trying times.

(Yes, I’m fine)