the life and times of a blue boy…

Happy hearts day to everyone Or as it is more conventionally known, “Happy Valentines!” Or perhaps as someone quipped, it’s Single Awareness Day. Then again, maybe that’s another day — perhaps nowhere near Feb 14.

Last year’s Feb 14 was spent with equal misfortune.  I was busy preparing my term paper in English, cramming whatever could be stuffed, and finally did a report. It was very comforting to be able to have done so (even if I bored my audience to death XD).

This year marks something different. That evening was calm and peaceful, a normal dinner without any marked disturbance or event to be preparing for. This evening will be a long, uneventful, unromantic date with my calculus book — going over those various concepts of integration, and blah2x. I’m sure no one wants to hear any more.

So tonight should be a good night to forget; I don’t think I may come out recalling anything — but who knows Math LTs always have their way of embedding their stinging, painful memories deep in the human psyche.  Every memory of a math LT associates itself with “I could have done better”, “Too bad I didn’t get this one,” or simply feelings of a lack of self-worth.

(How math does that is baffling. It’s just able to)

Of course there are other subjects that make you feel like that (*cough cough some humanities subject cough cough*). But then I’m too desensitized to care. I’ve probably given up hope on getting a decent grade in that subject — which is sad, because I’m sure I could do better.

See that? It’s that recurring thought again. I’ve resigned myself to a bad Filipino grade, knowing it would be extremely difficult to salvage it and pull it from the depths of the netherworld. I’m just going through the motions; crossing my fingers and foolishly wishing that this next paper I pass would merit  a decent grade.

But even those thoughts tend to be subdued by more pressing matters. If other subjects that require the same amount of effort give a much, much better grade, then it may be better to concentrate on that and leave the others by the wayside to rot, perish and forget.

Of course I’m always hoping for a good grade, but it seems my effort is just not enough.  It’s sad.

But I’m digressing. Today is supposed to be a happy, special day. Yes, even if I broke two test tubes in lab a while ago (separate instances in a span of ten minutes). And even if I have a long test tomorrow designed to sap a normal student’s brain… It’s hard to think otherwise, but you gotta try.

It’s almost ‘duy’s birthday.  Advanced Happy brithday Duy You’re old too (that’s a good thing, I think).